Answer, Acceptance, Adage

I wrote an e-mail to my professor of Poetry asking what the last two grades on assignments I got were (thus explaining the grade of a C that I received in the course). He promptly responded by saying that I did well on the course's final project, but that my paper was "another matter entirely." Since we only turned in 5 things in the course total, having one really low grade dragged me down. Hard.

So, there it is. Should I have tried harder? Perhaps. I could come up with a dozen excuses as to why it turned out poorly. I had five or six things due the week of exams, a 30 hour work week, graduation preparation, bills, bills, bills . . . But the truth is excuses fizzle out when you let them fly on their own.

I don't have any excuses as to why I didn't do my best on the final paper in the course, but I knew the whole time when I was writing it that it just wasn't the best I had to offer. I relied on some outdated sources, and I did the minimal amount of work . . . I suppose I did gave it that average amount of work. It certainly wasn't my best, and not even something I'd brag about to friends. The topic was my strongest point, but even from the get-go I thought "wow, this is kind of weak." After really giving it some thought the grade feels justified to me. So out of respect for the professor and for myself, I'm not going to challenge the grade at all. I'm just going to accept it. Time to put that little bit of unhappiness to bed.

Over Christmas my mom told me something I found appropriate and encouraging: "You got a C in a class. But you also graduated from college." Short but sweet. Moms always know just how to make it better, don't they?

In news of glee and avarice, I got a Kodak EasyShare digital camera for Christmas this year. I'm no technophile-_As a matter of fact technology frightens me because I'm always afraid I'll break something. I don't have an iPod. I don't own my own personal computer (thank goodness that Josh uses and knows about all things Mac or this blog wouldn't even exist). I don't own a cool phone capable of sending e-mails or connecting to the internets. But I'm eager to learn about my new gift and eager to use it. I can handle a camera. Maybe.

This blog could probably use some pictures, yeah?

I hope that everyone had a good holiday, whatever your persuasion.


"Shell smashed, juices flowing,
Wings twitch, legs are going.
Don't get sentimental.
It always ends up drivel."

It turns out that Cs really do get degrees.

So I got my very final grades for college ever. How'd I do?

Overall, it was an unexpected turn of events.

-First Amendment/Media Law: A

This one absolutely shocked me. Not only was it my most difficult class and the one I had to study for the most, but I got a very low C on the first exam and didn't do so hot on the first few in-class assignments. But in the end I busted it out and, apparently, kicked its ass! Guess I should've considered law as a degree, huh?

-Hollywood Portrayals of Journalism: A

No surprise for me here; I excel at the film/television courses and always have simply because the source material amuses and interests me. Though considering I straight up didn't do one of the questions on the take-home final exam, I'm surprised I got an A and not a B.

-Sociology 101, Intro: A

This was nuts since I got mostly Bs on everything essentially for a real lack of trying. I must have done well on the final exam and paper!

-Modern Poetry: C(!)

Well this was the total surprise. I actually thought I was kicking a lot of ass in this course; I had an A at midterm and I busted my ass for the final presentation (and did so without the assistance of a grad student in my presentation group, I should add). I guess I sucked it up on the final paper, which totally blows as it was the largest portion of the grade in the course and also took up the largest amount of time for me during finals week. Wow, I just don't know what happened here.

-Yoga I: P for Pass

If I would've failed this course I would sincerely punch myself in the face. I mean come on, its based on attendance and giving it a good try, so how can you suck at it? If I can do those poses, then anyone can do it!

So that's it. It turns out that Cs really do get degrees, as the saying goes. I suppose that I'm proud of these grades because of the overall higher marks, but that C in Poetry is a real bummer. I might go on campus next semester and pick the instructor's brain, but I don't want to seem presumptuous (As in "Whaaaat? I could never get a C on a paper comparing the impact of the Civil War on Emily Dickinson and Walt Whitman!" oh wait yes I could because the topic is not that great) and also I don't want to go on campus if I don't have to seeing as I don't go to that school anymore.

It's a weird Christmas present to have, really. It's sort of like when you get a really awesome present you want, like maybe a Nintendo Wii, and then socks packaged up right next to it (awkward socks that are a neon color with some sort of strange paisley pattern that you know you'll just never, ever wear) underneath the tree when you're expecting a new video game to go with the Nintendo Wii you just unwrapped. It's that "Oh wow, sweet!" feeling that is then rendered inert by that "Awww, well, okay, neat." feeling that immediately follows it.

Speaking of Christmas, I think I've got one more thing to get today, but I'm not sure if I'm going to go get it or not. We'll see how I feel in a couple of hours. Right now a warm apartment and a cup of coffee is really just making me feel totally content, and outside looks not so awesome. Do I dare disturb the universe with my degree-earning, C-earning self? We'll see.

"You know I used to be a boy in my home block, used to feel alone then I heard some news. Bunch o' cats got the rockin' news. You know I love my rock n' roll people."

Why now? Why blog?

Why does anyone write one of these things we call a "web log" or "blog?" I'm utterly fascinated by this question. There are so many reasons for hopping into the world of online exposure, but I suppose underneath it all there is a primary motive of pure egocentric behavior. It's a primal, very real motivation to say "Hey, look at me! I exist! I'm here, and this is who I am!" We have the need to connect with other people and to gush about ourselves to feel like we're real; like we're living a life that pushes and pulls and just is. 

So I'm filling the need to talk about my life in its post-undergrad phase. To me it's a very strange, very exciting time to be a person. I have a degree (or the skeleton of a degree seeing as I haven't received the physical diploma in the mail yet), I have a skill/trade that I've spent years honing to a degree-worthy level, and I have the opportunity to do absolutely anything. And that's so completely absurd to me. Anything, anywhere, at any time. I could pick up right now, this week, and change my whole existence by going somewhere else and doing something different.

This is what I'm doing now:

-working

-spending money

-saving money

-existing in the town I went to college in

It's the word went that is amazing and frightening for me. I'm done with my undergraduate experience. It's over, and I finished. I went to college, and now I'm no longer in college. Yet here I sit, in the same town that my college campus is in. Sure I only graduated a week ago, but now the question arises of what to do now? I already went to college. I already got my degree. And now what?

So that's the present tense for me. Living, existing, and just being for now until something else happens. I don't know when I'll get to transition into a new phase of life, or even what that phase of life is. It's a waiting room moment for me. And I'm going to capture every little thing that happens in my present day existence to analyze, interpret, and understand this weird state of being I'm in.

Okay, life. Let's do this.

"I been dead but I got better, been to heaven, loved in hell. Once more I am wand'rin', wand'rin' down this road I know so well . . ."